Naturally, I want to gloss over it with some well-chosen words and suitable platitudes, but I think journaling – as this blog is meant for – should be more honest than that. So yes, in the last week, during which work involved the organising and management of an event, I found that I am still far from being someone reliable and good to work with.
Two items stick in my mind. One was when I approached a colleague for some car-park coupons. She mentioned that, the procedure was that, someone else should have gotten them. And for some reason, that riled me: I raised my voice and asked, so you don’t trust me? And she said in a much more reasonable tone, no, it’s not about that, it’s just that the procedure was for someone else to have gotten the coupons, and she handed over the coupons to me.
I was worse in item two. This was when one of the people I looked after asked me to help her with a problem. To cut a long story short, I said that I couldn’t help, and so in the end she had to resolve it herself. The fact that she had to was a symptom of my laziness, and the fact that she could was a symptom of my incompetence. (And I could go on and on – I could have communicated more, made sure meals were provided…)
Looking back, I don’t think I was quite ready for the amount of sheer effort and stamina managing this event required. My nerves were frayed by the third day or so, and I think that contributed to the two items I mentioned.
The good thing is, the event went well and was well-received. On one level, that’s all that matters. On another, the process – the minutae of those few days – mattered as much, if not more. I know I enjoyed the camaraderie of working toward the same cause; the civility and overall niceness of my colleagues; the clear appreciation of our bosses, which was a wonderful morale boost, corny as that might sound; the sense of responsibility, which I enjoyed and shall channel better next time; learning from how others did things, which was revelatory and which gave me a better sense of who they are.
That was a fun few days of hard work.